This is my beautiful cousin. I love this picture of her because it is SO her- that expression, her cute little smirk and all that it entailed.
I Love her and I hope she knows it.
It's a long story but we just got her back, or so we thought. I have come to learn that depression, and being bi-polar is an illness. I knew this before but it has become more real to me as of late. SO many people think you should just snap out of it be okay. She was doing so good and I was so very proud of her. She had come so far... from a long and difficult journey. I wish she understood how good she was doing, but I believe that her ilness prevented that.
Yesterday this sweet cousin of mine took her own life.
We were "kissin" cousins as our grandma always called us. Two months apart in age and equally mischevious. I recalled this morning a time when were having a slumber party with one of our younger cousins and we "convinced" her to let us shave her legs....her mom was mad at us, but for her it was a right of passage and Jen and I felt so powerful being able to help her become a "woman".
Today I know that she is okay. I will miss her dearly and life will not be the same without her.
But I know that she is with someone who knows her better, who knows her heart and knows the trials that she struggled with on a daily basis.
I hope that our Great Grandma VanCleave is holding Jennifer in her arms and letting her know how truly loved she is.
because she is.
Today, tell someone in your life you love them, because you never know when it will be the last time you do. This life is precious, and it's moments fleeting, so please grab hold of the ones you love and the ones that love you and hold on.
This is for you my Jenny, for all of our dance routine's (even though I was bossy about making them up), for your play's (the winging and whining), for "poker" with marshmellows and chocolate chips, for driving trucks in the ditch- and you peeling my hands off the steering wheel all the while I was saying my dad is going to kill me....my dad is going to kill me;) For letting me come to the "big" city, and for being my Kissin' Cousin.
I Love You.
xoxo
Me.
7 comments:
My heart is so full of sadness for you & your family.
As always, I love you from the very center of my core.
Bigger, tighter hugs than usual.
Oh Kara, I am so sorry.
This is a beautiful post. Your strength and compassion is so evident. I am sure it was very difficult to write. I am sure she knows how much you love her.
I love you very much! You have a beautiful soul.
Kare Bear, it was so hard to read this and think about what your family is going through. You are such an old soul, wise beyond your years and I know you will use that wisdom to celebrate your cousins life. Your post was beautiful.
kara, i am speechless. i am so sorry to hear of your loss...however the way you honoroed your cousins memory and the relationship you shared was truly so beautiful beyond words. thinking of you and your entire family at this time. praying for you.
Sorry to hear about your cousin Kara! What beautiful thoughts you shared though...and happy memories you have of her. Depression is hard and often understood, but like anything else is a real illness and struggle. A few years ago my Aunt took her life as a result of her depression and so my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you're having a great week! hugs!! :)
Thank- you friends for you thoughts. I truly appreciate them!
Kara I am really sorry to hear of your great loss. Your post shows how lovely your cousin is and your memories will live long. My thoughts are with you. Take care :)
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